BDSM Safety, and Separating Fantasy from Reality

kinkywriter Blog

I’d much rather be working on my next story right now, but more than once this year I’ve found myself looking at photos and even video circulating online of submissives being beaten very severely and dangerously by people claiming to be “professional dommes,” and so I feel a certain responsibility to anyone who reads my own work to ensure that unequivocally every last person understands…

THE BDSM STORIES THAT I WRITE ARE FANTASIES.

In fact, I include a note at the front of each book that I sell to reiterate this fact:

The stories found in this book are works of fiction and should not be imitated by anyone who does not follow the philosophies of Safe, Sane, and Consensual BDSM practices. As many of these stories are heavily dramatized for entertainment purposes and to the extent that they should not be recreated by anyone, the author cannot be held liable for any activities conducted that are based on or derived as a result of reading this material.

Of course, part of this disclaimer is to protect myself from getting sued by someone reading one of my stories and then trying to imitate their favorite part without knowing what they’re doing, but also … I don’t ever want to hear about somebody getting hurt because they read one of my books.

I mean, it’s easy not to realize it if your only exposure to kink has been erotica and pornography, but a lot of these things that we fantasize about can actually be really, really dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing…

  • If your bondage is too tight or wrapped around the wrong parts of the body, you could risk cutting off the circulation or even breathing.
  • If you’re spanking someone and hitting the wrong places, such as the kidneys, the spine, or the head, you could send them to the hospital or cause permanent damage.
  • If you’re using electro-stim toys and you try placing electrodes above the waist, you could wind up giving your submissive a heart attack.

Fictional works don’t always make safety a big focus – condom use is a really simple example of this.

I can probably count on one hand the number of times that I’ve actually written condoms into my cuckolding stories, and when they do appear, it’s honestly more because they can be a fun toy for humiliation of the cuck than to protect the woman from pregnancy and STDs. But for the people who practice this type of sex in real life where they have multiple partners, walking around just fucking any random stranger bareback because it’s sexier is probably going to cause them more trouble than fun, unfortunately!

And believe me, I get that it’s easy to get so wrapped up in our fantasies that we might not think about safety in the real world as much as we should, particularly when it comes to things like bondage and discipline where adrenaline keeps us wanting more and more and more even once we’ve probably gone as far as we should with a particular scene. This is why working with a professional dominant who knows their stuff is of the utmost importance because a great domme not only knows how to drive you to the edge, but also how to keep you there without having to call an ambulance by the end of your session.

Not to mention, frankly it makes the rest of us look bad when BDSM shows up in the headlines because some idiot jerked off with a belt around their neck and ended up strangling himself or a domme puts their sub in the hospital after beating them within an inch of their life in all of the least sexiest of ways. We’ve got enough negative stigma still to overcome without also fighting claims that being kinky isn’t safe.

If you’re playing by yourself, it’s up to you to know your own limits, as well as the ins and outs of the toys that you’re playing with.

If you’re playing with a professional, they should be equally responsible to conduct their business in a way that is both safe and enjoyable … but until you get to know anyone better, you’ve got to look out for yourself first.

There are lots of resources available when you’re ready to take the next step and explore your kinks in real life. Here are a few of my favorite:

I implore you – BDSM is an incredible world to explore, whether you’re walking the path alone or with a friend, and all of the feelings and emotions and sensations and experiences that you can find along the way are just about priceless.

They’re not worth your life, though. 

Don’t let thinking with your genitals because you were deep in subspace cost you everything, and for god sakes if you see “a professional domme” caning one of her submissives on their kidneys, run for the fucking hills as fast as you possibly can.

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